About Us


I'm Lenora Gottman. I'm named after my grandma from Alaska,» Lina Lenora Demoski. She was an Athabascan Indian. She was the best story teller and basket maker. She lived a most amazing life and passed away in 2021. I'm not half the story teller she was, I just say things plain. It's quite the effort for me to put the words together for this blog, but, I feel it so important that I'm not giving up.

I've been married to Tim for 33 years and together we have four children. We have one left in the nest, Taylor, our youngest. We live on a farm in Northeast Missouri.

I'm here because in May of 2016 our only son, Toby, died as the result of the side effect from the antidepressant drug he was taking, which was suicide. Toby was a seventeen year old junior in high school.

Since then my grief journey has brought me to this point.

Along the way, I had a documentary style film made, of friends and family of Toby talking about his life; leading up to his death. It is our hope the video will provide viewers with some clues about signs of suicide, along with each of the articles on this site.

Toby, or any of our kids, didn't like to be open about their problems. They didn't like to talk about the uncomfortable topics. We didn't talk about thoughts of suicide. Now, I know it's so important to talk about. It's too late for us but I want to share our story because even though it's a hard subject, people can learn from it.

There are people that disagree that antidepressants are dangerous. I know of very few people who actually talk about antidepressant side effects as a possible reason for suicide.

Among a myriad of facets, suicide is also a spiritual battle. I am attempting to address all of these issues here.

I'm living my life out through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, speaking the truth about Toby's suicide, in order to give any one person out there the courage to speak out and hope, to stay.

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord...   Isaiah 1:18

Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. Ephesians 6:11

As for you, what you (devil) intended against me for evil, God intended for good, in order to accomplish a day like this- to preserve the lives of many people. Genesis 50:20

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Toby, Ashley, Lennie, Taylor, Tim, & Abbie


Guests - Gottman


ministry retreat.


Memorial site Tim created.

Lennie and Toby picture

I dedicate this work in memory of Toby

and give all glory to God.


My love.

March 2016

Nativity (2)

Yearly Live Nativity



Moving forward in life there are many bittersweet moments.



Psalm 144:1

Praise the LORD, who is my rock. He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle.